Belated Lent

So many things in my life are belated at the moment. And I've belatedly decided to give up saying anything that indicates how busy and frantic I feel. For one thing, everyone is busy and frantic. (As my sister-in-law Becky once stated matter-of-factly, "Everyone's busy and no one thinks they have enough money.") For another thing, unless I can do something about it, I should just draw on the grace for each day and practice contentment in all the things that are right and good and full of joy. There are lots of those.

And even though Easter is right around the corner, maybe I can keep this up until Earth Day. :)

Beautifully Adorned

Look at these girls. They love frilly, shiny things. They love beads, ribbons, and bright colors.

That's why they love the dresses Aunt Lisa gives them for Christmas. They leave a glittery trail (you can always tell where we sat in church.)

There IS something to sparkles and jewels, isn't there? We think they make us beautiful. That's why God uses adornments as a metaphor for the beauty of wisdom. "[Wisdom] will place on your head an ornament of grace; a crown of glory she will deliver to you." (Prov.4:9)

So...I have a new sparkly jewel on my wish list: wisdom. :)

Top Five Things on My Mind

1. How are Jesus and His Gospel REAL in my life? (The prayer of Peter--"Lord I do believe. Help my unbelief!")

2. How do we teach our girls to recognize the feelings of their own hearts & their basic human needs for Jesus' redeeming work while making them feel safe, enjoyed, and loved, loved, loved? (Parenting is ALWAYS in the list of top things on my mind.)

3. What does it actually LOOK like (as in a schedule--and is a "schedule" even truly necessary?) to prioritize the loves of my life:

- God

- Alan

- the girls

- our extended family

- friends

- our community/schools/work

4. How can I get the most work done in the least amount of time?

5. What else can I get rid of around here to keep our home environment from clogging up my time?

And for those who enjoy a cute picture:

We took friends to the zoo Saturday. My hope is always to use up a lot of the kids' energy, but I typically use up my own instead. In spite of how many times I had to say, "Walking feet, girls, walking feet!!" and "Please don't run so far ahead that we can't see you," we all had a really good time.

I always feel so blessed when we have a chance to spend time with other Christian families whose kids are near our kids' ages. Hopefully I didn't talk too much about the #2 thing on my mind that day. I tend to do that.

Bless and be blessed!

Where has this song been?!?

I was driving Shelley's car today and THIS song came on the radio. If I had heard this song a year ago, would I have been more or less likely to try to coin its title as a pseudonym for my husband? I don't know. But hearing it gave me a really good laugh. :)



And I liked watching this YouTube video. You gotta love closeups of early 80's cheesy mustaches, and thanks to MY jazzman, I'm an honest-to-goodness fan of a live band. Thank you, Carole King! (I can't wait to find out what Alan thinks of this...)

Spirit Week at Evelyn's School

Last week's "Family Olympics" at Evelyn's school was kicked off on Wednesday with a whole-school parade around two city blocks. Each grade created its own banner and carried it as they chanted and sang on their route. I have no idea why, but I got choked up! See Evelyn just left of center in her yellow shirt? She was SO excited to see me on the parade route, and I was SO excited to see her. I can't believe she's almost done kindergarten.

I just look at our girls these days and get choked up. Usually it's from behind--following them as they walk (or run) ahead, and shake my head in wonder that they are so tall, so old, and so...ours. What a responsibility parenting is!! More and more I am aware of my need to trust God every single day, to turn over to Him the temptation to worry that I'm messing my kids up for good, and just seek His face, His face, His guidance in His Word and hope for daily wisdom and grace. He is sufficient! And wow does He give joy!

A Musical Outlet

I didn't realize how much I'd missed singing classical music until I joined this little neighborhood ensemble last fall. Alan took video of the first piece on our concert last Sunday, Poulenc's Ave Verum Corpus. Feel free to listen here. (It's only 2 min. 45 sec.)

It was one of my favorite pieces on the program--it's not easy (we didn't sing it perfectly), and it's a nice balance of "out there" and "accessible."

The concert was additionally meaningful because Mom was the accompanist (wish I had a video of one of our accompanied pieces), her friend Cindy played flute, and Jon and Courtney's friend, Anna, was our guest soloist and fellow working-mom-who-didn't-realize-how-much-she'd-missed-singing. That made for not only sweet music, but sweet fellowship. Very sweet fellowship.

My doggone tongue & birthday bonanzas...

I'm annoyed at myself. Recently I've been "that person" who says something either unnecessary or in an unnecessary way. Last night at Ev's school PTO meeting, her class parent asked for opinions about what to get the teacher as a gift. I blurted out, "As a teacher myself, definitely NOT some little knick knack." Well that could have been said differently. I saw the faces of the parents who'd, well, given teachers knick knacks before. Ugh.

And last week at my ensemble rehearsal, one of the ladies was talking about how much she'd saved at a recent sale. I jumped out with, "I prefer to save by not buying anything at all." WHY did I say that??? Sheesh. Why not just "rejoice with those who rejoice" and say, "that's great?" Besides, (kicking myself in backside) I DO buy things, for crying out loud!

It seems I am living in a state of rush and annoyance and have stopped taking the time to temper my tongue.

Today I received another e-vite for a kid birthday party and actually said aloud, "Oh no." I had both my kids in popular months. There are always lots of invitations, and I always find it difficult planning parties for my own kids and balancing the ones to which they are invited. Before they could read, I'd just confiscate the invitations and RSVP without their knowledge.

And somewhere along the line I lost the joy of planning anything--any kind of party or celebration. It has zero appeal to me. That makes me sad. We've attended the e-vite kid's parties in the past. There are usually about 75-100 people there. Multiple grills are going, several tents of food are set up, music is piped in, an entire side porch is loaded with gifts, and kids are running everywhere. And the parents seem to LOVE it. And their child will likely grow up with these amazing memories of her parties and what a huge deal they were. The hope would be that SHE would feel like a huge deal.

I assume it is ok that planning and pulling off a party like that does not sound like fun to me. It definitely does not sound like fun to Alan. But I want my kids to know what a HUGE deal they are. I want them to know how incredible I think they are, and that they are two of the best things that have ever happened to me. I want them to feel incredibly, incredibly special.

Amelia will turn 5 on Monday.

I'll keep you posted. And I'll gladly accept prayers and advice, especially since I'm sitting here with tears in my eyes thinking about what a precious gift this little girl is to me and how much I long to give her. (Pictures from our Spring Break trip to the Eastern Shore, in an adorable ice cream shop in the historic town of Lewes, DE.)

Up for air!

Breathe.

Home.

Family.

Husband.

Children.

The umbrella of God's love over all of it.

Today I will take some hours off to do yard work with Alan. And breathe. The weekend was very enjoyable but long and required being "on." I'm ready to be quiet inside for a while.

The French press coffee is steeping. French toast awaits. I suppose it is a French morning. :)

John 17

Right now I am loving John 17, where Jesus prays for His disciples and then prays for US not long before His death.

“I am coming to you now, but I say these things while I am still in the world, so that they may have the full measure of my joy within them. I have given them your word and the world has hated them, for they are not of the world any more than I am of the world. My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one. They are not of the world, even as I am not of it. Sanctify them by the truth; your word is truth. As you sent me into the world, I have sent them into the world. For them I sanctify myself, that they too may be truly sanctified.

“My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one— I in them and you in me—so that they may be brought to complete unity. Then the world will know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me.

“Father, I want those you have given me to be with me where I am, and to see my glory, the glory you have given me because you loved me before the creation of the world.

“Righteous Father, though the world does not know you, I know you, and they know that you have sent me. I have made you known to them, and will continue to make you known in order that the love you have for me may be in them and that I myself may be in them.”

Jesus wants us to be protected, sanctified by His word--the truth! He prayed that we would be unified, and that our unity would encourage others to believe. And I love that He wants us to be WITH Him, to see His glory, and for us to know God's love. Wonderful things to rest upon on a rainy, chilly, Friday in the midst of a very busy few weeks.

Superficial Struggle of the Week

This is a confession post. Recently I've enjoyed being in friends' houses that are just really cool. Great paint colors, kitchens re-done with care & taste, modern furniture, accents, and artwork, etc. I just LOVE walking around these houses oohing and ahhing and admiring. It's great fun and gives me honest-to-goodness pleasure.

But instead of being satisfied with the joy I get seeing other people's well-appointed homes, I've found myself, for the first time, looking around our own house and finding it lacking. I've always loved that we get so much use out of things, many of which have been generously handed down to us. (The pink chair I'm sitting in originally graced my bedroom when I last lived with my parents in 1990.) It has always given me particular pleasure to "make do" and create an attractive room out of what we've already got.

Don't get me wrong. We've spent money on furniture. We love our living room couch. It is very comfortable and it is brown. We liked brown when we bought it. We REALLY like brown now that it's been host to coffee spills and magic markers. We love the Target ottomans that hold all our well-used (non-matching) assortment of blankets that keep us warm on the brown couch on wintry evenings. I've also spent more than I care to admit on IKEA curtains, curtain rods, and shades. But they seem a little out-of-date.

We bought our TV armoir as newlyweds, before we even had a TV, and it's always felt like this wonderful, giant, room-anchoring piece. But I'm suddenly aware that it is not an "in" color. (Besides, TVs don't even go in armoirs anymore. They hang on walls.) Our dining room furniture is pale, too, although every single piece represents the kindness of different members of our families, and I love that. And it's all perfectly functional, which is one of my favorite adjectives. (It's great for describing dinners that aren't going over well. "This food might not taste great, but it is FUNCTIONAL. It will keep you from going hungry and it will nourish your body.")

I confess, things are jumping out at me and actually GETTING at me. The wallpaper borders still up in our kitchen and bathroom. The circa 1980's colors on the living room and hall stairway walls. The wall collages I cherish for each item's meaning and history, which now just look messy compared with the single, wall-encompassing works of beautiful art I imagine would look so much better.

The girls' room...how I DREAM about doing that over. (The $1 Martha Stewart "oops" paint from K-Mart seemed like such a great idea at the time.) And our own bedroom still shows off the former owner's stenciling prowess.

So I go up to the library and read. The library, my favorite room, with its cool, curvy furniture (thanks to Aunt Barbara and Uncle Diego, who practically gave it to us), shelves of books, and world map that takes up one whole wall. And when I go there, I need to read a few verses that remind me to be thankful and content. I will continue to admire friends' great tastes in interior design, and I will continue to gravitate to HG-TV when go places that have cable. (Alan recently found that you can watch episodes of some HG-TV shows on their website. I'm sure this has not helped my current dissatisfaction.) But to bring me back around to being that person I liked being before I felt these feelings, I need to remember:

"If we have food and covering, with these we shall be content." (I Tim.6:8) "...be content with what you have..." (Hebr.13:5)

"There is lovely."

I am still getting over finishing the Welsh story "How Green Was My Valley." I cried on the bus to NYC two weekends ago reading this:

Ivor raised his finger, and from the top of the hill down to bottom men and women hummed softly to have the proper key, with sopranos going up to find the octave, and altos climbing, and tenors making silver and contraltos and baritones resting in comfort and basso down on the octave below, and the sound they all made was a lifetime of loveliness, so solid, so warm, so deep, and yet so delicate. It will be no surprise to me if the flowers of the gardens of heaven are made from such sound. And O, to smell a smell as good to the nose as that sound sounds to the ear.

But even heaven could not be so beautiful, or we would all be drunk with beauty day and night, and no work done anywhere, and nobody to blame.

Drunk with beauty. There is lovely.

Above is the delightful little Hamilton Women's Ensemble I've been a part of this year. Our Christmas concert, accompanied by strings and flute, was almost as enjoyable as the 1 1/2 hours each Monday we gather to rehearse. :) I don't know why, but I just love singing, and I'm so glad it's something the Lord created us to do.

"Sing praises to God, sing praises! Sing praises to the King, sing praises!" (Ps. 47:6)

"Let the word of Christ richly dwell within you, with all wisdom teaching and admonishing one another with psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with thankfulness in your hearts to God." (Col.3:16)

Favorite Verses

Grace and peace be yours in abundance through the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord. His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through the knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and goodness. Through these He has given us His very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption that is in the world caused by evil desires.

For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to your goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness, and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. for if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of your Lord Jesus Christ.

(II Peter 1:2-7)


...we have not stopped praying for you and asking God to fill you with the knowledge of His will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding. And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please Him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to His glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light. For He has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son He loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.

(Colossians 1:9-13, and if you ever feel compelled to pray for me, feel free to pray this passage verbatim!)

Making the Crossing

For weeks now I've been pondering the crossing of the Red Sea. At first, I read Exodus 12 and was struck with Moses telling the scared-to-death Israelites to "Stand firm...the Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still." (vs.13-14) I'm a fighter. I love movies where the hero, usually an underdog, fights his way to victory over a mean-spirited bully. I think deep down I would have wanted God to defeat the Egyptians by having some unlikely Jewish women smash their heads with water jugs.

But even in the very-military-sounding verses in Ephesians 6, where the Christian is dressing for battle, it is so that he may "stand firm," using only prayer and the Word of God as offensive weapons. So much for my teeth-clenching, water-jug-wielding victory.

But in Exodus 12:15, just after Moses tells them to stand there, God says, "Tell the Israelites to move on." Sometimes we "stand firm" while "moving on."

And here's where I found something I'd never noticed before. They moved on--crossed that sea--AT NIGHT. "All that night the Lord drove the sea back...and the Israelites went through the sea on dry ground with a wall of water on their right and left...during the last watch of the night, the Lord threw the army of the Egyptians into confusion...and at daybreak the sea went back to its place."

I just keep thinking about this. My only guess is that, if the Israelites had been able to actually SEE by the light of day those walls of water instead of only guessing at the heights of the watery shadows, perhaps they'd never have crossed. They were already whining and complaining that slavery had been better than being chased by the Egyptians. They were grumbling and scared out of their minds. If the water had risen into its giant canyon in broad daylight, they may have said, "No way!" and dug their heels in. And been slaughtered. So the Lord shadowed His power with the dark of night--like blindfolding a horse to lead it out of a fire to safety--so that they would actually MOVE ON.

I'm not sure how this applies specifically to me right now. But I know I don't want to grumble or complain (especially about things I've ASKED the Lord to give me!) I want to heed the voice of godly leadership if it says, "Stand firm!" and I want to obey the voice of God if He says, "Move on," even if He tells me to do it in the middle of the night. Because who knows what monstrous seas He's parting to make my escape to safety possible.

In Praise of Grandfathers

Alan never knew his grandfathers. I had the incredible blessing of knowing both of mine into my adulthood.

I am so glad--so grateful--that our girls have their grandfathers.

Opah came over Saturday and brought us Chinese food. Alan's knee is still not good (doctor tomorrow), and both girls have taken turns having multiple-day-long fevers. So Opah came bringing dinner, Christmas cookies, and himself.

And Grandpa Blackman gave us something I'd venture to say is a very unusual gift among grandfathers. He cleaned our bathrooms during the Thanksgiving holiday. What a humbling gift.

So here we sing the praises of our girls' grandfathers.

Friendship

Jesus had friends. And He wanted them around. In fact, He wanted them in the bleakest moments of His life, to pray with him; to be with Him. And, though they disappointed Him by falling asleep (and not just once), I still love that he wanted them there.

God walked with Adam and Eve in the Garden. ("In the cool of the evening." Isn't that lovely??) He liked being WITH them. He liked their company. That's why He made them: for Himself, and for one another.

I hope it is not too brash to assume that being made in God's image means liking being WITH people and having friends, walking "in the cool of the evening" just for the joy of it, and longing for someone to stay awake with you in the lonely, dark times.

Here's to friendship. :)

(And here's to the rockin' cool outfits in which my girls choose to hike the woods "in the cool of the evening.")

The View From Our Front Door

Sometimes, it's not my circumstances that need changing. (The parking lot across the street from our house.)















It's my perspective. (The brilliant sunset happening exactly above it Sunday night. Pictures taken just seconds apart in time---miles apart in attitude.)

Today I struggled...

...as a parent. This is something I'd like to practice. It goes with one of my favorite verses in the Psalms, "Your gentleness makes me great." (Psalm 18:35)

I'm pretty sure I didn't make anyone great today. But at least God is still gentle, and they're ultimately in HIS hands.

"Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness." (Lamentations 3:22-23)

Here's to a new morning! :)

If I ever get on the Amazing Race...

...the leg of the race that will be the end of me will have a task that involves putting gloves on 100 three year olds.

Sharing Hardship

Alan has a music colleague who lives a few hours south of us in VA. He and his wife had their daughter between Evelyn and Amelia, and yesterday little Charlotte passed away as a result of a brain tumor that just wouldn't quit. While I've read many of their very honest posts, I think the one that will stick with me is the one from Christmas Day when they put their Christmas 2008 and Christmas 2009 posts next to one another.

Roger and Rachel have started a foundation in their daughter's name, and there's a link to it on their blog.

"May the God of peace Himself continually grant you peace in every circumstance." (II Thess.3:16)

Children

I had the most wonderful skype conversation with Jen--it was Saturday afternoon here and Sunday morning there and I could hear the birds singing in New Zealand while she sipped her coffee. During our conversation she asked me about a book I'd had when she & I were roommates. I'd bought it visiting Jon when he lived in Chicago & he'd taken me to the Wheaton College Library (that's where I got hipped to Dorothy Sayers, too.) Anyway, I still have the book and pulled it out and have been enjoying it thoroughly before I send it along to Jen when our friend Laura heads to NZ for Christmas.

It is called "Wishful Thinking: A Seeker's ABC" by Frederick Buechner and was first published in 1972. It is a lexicon, and under the letter C, he says this about Children:

When the disciples, overearnest as ever, asked Jesus who was the greatest in the kingdom of Heaven, Jesus pulled a child out of the crowd and said the greatest in the kingdom of Heaven were people like this (Mt.18:1-4)...He was saying that the people who get into heaven are people who, like children, don't worry about it too much....who live with their hands open more than with their fists clenched...who are so relatively unburdened by preconceptions that if somebody says there's a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, they are perfectly willing to go take a look for themselves.

Children aren't necessarily better than other people. Like the child in "The Emperor's New Clothes," they are just apt to be better at telling the difference between a put-up job and the real thing.

Now that I have little children, this rings so true. I have a renewed desire to be more LIKE my girls, while praying for the wisdom to raise them to be adults who have childlike faith.

And at the very moment when I was wondering if I had a sweet picture of my girls to attach to this post, Evelyn got up from her nap, came downstairs and announced to me, "Mommy, I just peed in your bed." Well, if that isn't just a quick shake back into the tangible realities of life! :)