Rethinking what matters...

My friend Betsy's husband, Logan, lost his father last week and I went to the funeral. I am still in awe as I write, and I pray I can do justice to what was shared.

Logan is a gentle, tender, wise, godly man who gives of himself, works with his hands, selflessly serves others, and has a loving partnership with his bride. When he stood up at the funeral, he shared something I hadn't known: that his father had spent the last 51 years of his life institutionalized with schizophrenia. (That is not a typo--51 years.) Logan and his sisters were small children when their father, a young, godly man studying for the pastorate in seminary, had to leave their home because a mysterious disease had attacked his mind. One of Logan's earliest memories is of his mother at his bedside, teaching him to pray "that God would heal Daddy." Logan had prayed that prayer every day since, and it was finally answered when God took him home.

In spite of schizophrenia, Logan and his dad had a relationship. They had frequent visits, and Logan continued those visits until his father's death. The illness often rendered his father antagonistic, irritable, and unintelligible. In his muttering, they would listen for a familiar phrase to which to cling, such as "Take it to the Lord in prayer," or "asleep on the hay," and that would inspire them to sing, "What a friend we have in Jesus..." or "Away in a manger..." and his father would often be calmed.

Betsy once asked her father-in-law if he had been reading anything lately, and in a moment of clarity he replied, "Colossians chapter 1." He proceeded to read it, and when he got to the final verse, he said, "Christ in you, the hope of glory." He looked at them intently, raised three fingers and said, "You have to say that part THREE times," and led them in saying, "Christ in you, the hope of glory; Christ in you, the hope of glory; Christ in you, the hope of glory." That became a common occurrence in his last years: reading Colossians 1 with that precious, thrice-repeated phrase at the end, and they read it again at the funeral.

How incredible it was to see this lovely, quiet man standing up there talking with love about a father he never knew as "normal," recalling special times with him that all took place inside a hospital or group home and always hinged on the hope that a touch of mental acuity would allow them to fellowship with the Jesus they both loved. What a picture of what that same Jesus can DO--that Logan's father's godly prayers for his son, in his healthy youth, would be answered so eloquently and fervently; that Logan's mother would so joyfully and selflessly set about the task of supporting and raising her three children to love their father, pray for him, visit him, and respect him; that a little boy, devoid of what the world would call a normal childhood, could grow into a man who would remember it all through the veil of Jesus' healing power. All of that happened because Christ was in them, as their hope of glory.

I drove away regretting that the list of "things I'd never do as a parent" ever included silly stuff like letting the kids watch TV or shop at chain stores. Do I want Evelyn and Amelia to say, "My mom never shopped at Wal-Mart," or do I want them to say, "My mom never said negative things about people?" Do I want them to remember that I didn't let them watch Saturday morning cartoons on network TV, or that I didn't fly off the handle in anger, but instead responded with the love of Jesus?

Logan and his father have inspired me to re-think my "list." This is only a start, but it is a good one:
1. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. (Deut. 6:5)
2. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. (Phil.2:3)
3. Do everything without complaining or grumbling. (Phil.2:14)
4. Above all, love each other deeply. (I Peter 4:8)
5. Come, let us sing for joy to the Lord; let us shout aloud to the Rock of our salvation. Let us come before Him with thanksgiving and extol Him with music and song. (Psalm 95:1-2)

Feel free to add more...