"REALLY, Mom?!?"

This picture, taken at the Science Center, captures a bit of the attitude Evelyn had when she responded to me in the car yesterday.

On our way to church we pulled up next to our friends' teenagers on their way, too. Our girls were thrilled to give me the blow-by-blow about what the teens were wearing and doing as we shared the road.

At one point I said, "I wish we had puppets. You guys could give them a puppet show," thinking I'd follow up with the story of how my brother and I used to while away road trip hours entertaining the folks behind us. We'd constantly ask Mom and Dad, "Are they smiling? Do they see us? Did they laugh??"

But before I got to my childhood story, Evelyn replied, "REALLY, Mom? You would WANT us to distract our friends while they're DRIVING?!? Our FRIENDS?!? Why would you WANT us to do THAT?"

My apologies to the hundreds of distracted drivers across the miles of US highway during the 1970's.

Shopping Stories

(Yes, I got the itch to switch the blog's look--still trying to decide if I like it. I may switch around some more before deciding. Feel free to weigh in.)

In my recent mad dash for Ravens shirts, I'd originally planned to go to the mall (before I decided to go with my Emergency Shopping Contact List.) So after making our purchases at Target, we headed over--they love riding the escalators, throwing coins in the fountain, and the newest thing was discovering "the little room" at the entrance to the Hollister store.

We strolled the mall, looking at storefronts and commenting. "That store sells clothes. That one sells computers, and that one sells jewelry." Etc. As we moved past Victoria's Secret, I said nonchalantly, "That store sells pretty underwear."

Amelia stared at the large ads along the store's frontage and then added blandly, "They sell boobies, too."

If only.

Another First

Monday night was our friend Tim's b-day, so Alan, the girls and I headed over to have dinner at their house w/friends. We had a great time, but when it started getting late and a storm was rolling in, Alan and I decided to hurry home to shut the windows and get the girls in bed. Because I'd come to their house from work, we'd driven separately, and as the raindrops started and the wind howled, Alan and I raced toward our cars. The girls went with Alan, so I ran to my car and headed home.

By the time we drove the one mile home, the rain was blinding and blowing sideways. Alan pulled into the driveway just in front of me, jumped out and ran into the house to start shutting windows. I thought it was wise of him to leave the girls in his car since it was raining so hard. I ran to the house, soaked by the time I got to the front door. I closed all the first floor windows, then grabbed the only umbrella I could find--Disney princess--to get the girls out of the car.

Once at the car, I was horrified to find it empty. My first assumption was that they had gotten out to exult in the storm and were splashing in puddles on the sidewalk or street. I ran frantically up and down our street with my Disney princess umbrella yelling, "GIRLS!!! GIRLS!!! EVELYN!!! AMELIA!!!" to no avail. Then I ran into the house, thinking that somehow they'd made it inside while Alan and I were frantically shutting windows.

"KIDS!!!!! GIRLS!!!!" I screamed over and over, soaked and dripping on the entryway rug. Alan came racing down the stairs and said, "What's wrong? What's all the screaming??"

"Where are the kids?!?"

He stared at me. "They were in your car!"

Then I stared at him. "I thought they were in YOUR car!"

Then Alan looked at his phone. A text from Tim. "Forget something?"

We'd left the girls. As we stared at each other, Alan looked out the front window and said, "Look--it's Sung. He brought them home. They must have loved riding in a car with no car seats!"

Feeling like an idiot, I raced back onto the dark street under my Disney princess umbrella and pressed my face against the front passenger window of Sung's car. But it wasn't Sung's car. I scared the tar out of some woman whose husband happened to come to a stop in front of our house because their windshield wipers weren't working. Trying to cover myself, I yelled over the din of the storm, "ARE YOU GUYS OK?? I JUST WANTED TO MAKE SURE YOU GUYS WERE OK!" She nodded, smiling weirdly and probably trying to regain control of her heart rate.

So I drove back over to Tim and Diana's. I had no idea just how drenched I was until I walked into their living room and everyone burst out laughing. Except the girls. They were so disappointed that we'd not left them there longer. So much for my worry that it would permanently scar them to recall watching both their parents driving off in the rain as they stood alone on the sidewalk.

Another first. :)

Parental Advice

When your barely-five-year-old decides to follow the big girls up a paved hill to descend with them on her scooter, DO NOT run up the hill after her and, as she begins to pick up downhill speed, make eye contact with her and yell, with a look of horror & anxiety on your face, "Amelia!!!!! Be careful!!!!"

You will seal her scabby fate.

My Favorite Distractions

Last week I took the girls to one of Alan's concerts for the first time. They'd heard him play outdoor festivals, but this was the first formal one. Anticipating them getting itchy, I brought stuff for them to play with and was prepared to entertain them myself.

I was making faces at one point, having what I thought was a lot of fun, when Evelyn leaned up to my ear and whispered, "You should probably stop doing that, Mom. It's kind of distracting."

Falling for you

These pics are from Christmas and are posted for my Hamiltopia friends, since we talked about Evelyn's wedding dress Christmas present at our community meal on Sunday evening. And my mom gave me and Courtney these amazing aprons and napkins. Check us out, people! No longer will I stain my knees while cooking!!

Speaking of knees, I fell AGAIN today. What is wrong with me? I was at the Ranch, carrying all my stuff out to my car, and slipped on the ice. I went down on my knee-hip-elbow-side, in that order of course. I landed on the pavement with my laptop still over my shoulder, still clutching my notebooks and stainless steel water bottle.

Two weeks ago I was walking out the front door on my way to Bible study with my Bible in one arm and my favorite, GIANT glass mug of tea in the other. The porch was icy, and before I even got to the first step I was flying through the air, looking up at the sky thinking, "This is gonna hurt." I was right. I landed on my back on the stairs, still holding my Bible and the handle of my now-shattered favorite GIANT glass mug. Silently, I cried. Then I heard Alan yelling, "Tina!! Don't move!! I'm coming!!" and I thought, "I'd better move. He thinks I'm paralyzed." Remarkably, I'm fine. Praise God for my genetics and good bone density.

It makes me wonder if I shouldn't have been a running back. I can take a hit and not drop my stuff.

Strange Dreams

Last night I dreamed my mom and I were trying to disappear--go off the grid, if you will. We were trying to "get away from it all." We were in Arizona, and Mom was driving a blue plaid Jeep. (Not sure how easily we could disappear in a vehicle like THAT, but you know dreams!)

Now...how to interpret...

Memorable Moments

This Sunday during Breaking of Bread, Evelyn was her usual up-and-down self. I'm used to it by now--the constant shifting around, frequent dives into the bag of tricks packed with coloring supplies and small toys, the dropping of small toys into the row behind (an interesting study could be made comparing churchgoers who return the toys and those who ignore them), the requests to use the bathroom or get a drink, the determination to rip pages out of the coloring books to give as gifts to people (the ripping of a coloring book page is remarkably LOUD!), etc.

During one of her dives, she began rummaging through my purse. I heard what sounded like a wrapper and figured she'd found a cough drop. I was turned away from her, looking at the man who was sharing at the time. Then I heard her whisper loudly, "Mommy, what's THIS?" and turned to find her with her arm extended in the air, holding...a tampon.

Road Rage

On Tuesday Evelyn was off school, and she & I headed to hike at Gunpowder Falls State Park. En route, a 20-something maniac nearly clipped my bumper swerving in and out of traffic. I told Evelyn we were going to pull over and pray that he would get safely to his destination. No, unfortunately, that is NOT what I did.

I slammed on my horn and yelled, "What's with THAT, dude?!?" He, of course, would not make eye contact w/me at the light (he'd gotten there SO much faster than we had. Ha ha), and since he was in the far right lane & I was two lanes over turning left, I thought the whole thing was over.

Then, when the light turned green, he peeled out and turned LEFT from the RIGHT hand lane!! Now here's where I'm REALLY not proud of myself (and I admit, Alan will find out about this reading the blog. Ugh. I am so not proud of this.) I peeled wheels and CUT HIM OFF, nearly clipping HIS bumper in the process. My heart was pumping.

And then I realized what an idiot I'd been (the realization was aided by my six-year old, who was yelling from the back seat as she rolled from side to side w/my swerves, "What's going on, Mom?!?") I confessed to Evelyn that what I'd just done was wrong. What the Lord really wanted us to do was to forgive people who wrong us, and to NOT wrong them back. Her response? "Mom, what you SHOULD have done was pull up next to him, smile at him and say, 'I forgive you!'"

An evil, wicked grin spread across my face imagining that. "Yes, Evelyn," I replied sweetly, "That's EXACTLY what I should have done."

p.s. Our hike at Gunpowder was deliriously wonderful, in spite of the rocky road getting there and the fact that I forgot the camera.

The Princess and the Insect

Not unlike Last year, Amelia was Snow White and Evelyn was a ladybug. Again.

Earlier this week at AWANA's costume night, Evelyn wore her hoop dress and Amelia was a bumblebee. I was surprised Evelyn didn't wear the hoop dress tonight. I guess when the inspiration hits to be a bug, you fly with it.

As much as we love gatherings, it had been really busy lately & we decided to just trick-or-treat the 'hood (not unlike 2008.) Shelley came and we strolled leisurely along the rather quiet streets.

I must say, this was another check-plus in my "Lovin' the 'hood" series. You would not believe how much CHOCOLATE we scored. Regular sized bags of M&Ms, whole Snicker's Bars, and a myriad of the mini stuff. Alan and I will need a personal trainer for Christmas.

Amelia had wanted to bring an apple as a prop, but at the 4th house I suddenly gasped, "Oh, Amelia, we forgot your apple!" The woman of the house immediately went inside and produced the healthiest "treat" of the evening. Amelia took one bite and feigned "death" on the porch furniture, requiring Evelyn to kiss her awake. She repeated the performance at the next 10 houses, until she'd eaten most of the apple. Half the time she received applause, but at the house where the door was opened by a couple of 5-year-old-ish boys, Evelyn refused to give Amelia the kiss of love to awaken her ("I'm not going to do THAT in front of BOYS!") and I had to step in. And I must say, it was sweeter than chocolate to spend Halloween awakening Snow White with a kiss of true love.

Pitfalls of a Hoop Skirt

Evelyn LOVES this dress my mom gave her. And she had a really hard time understanding why she couldn't wear it to church. Then she sat down.

"Baby Brain" II

(To read the original "Baby Brain" example, click here.) Alan poured his morning coffee. He poured the sugar into it from the dispenser. He stirred. He tasted. Yuck! Not enough sugar, by far. He poured more sugar from the dispenser. He stirred. He tasted. Yuck! Still not sweet enough. Hmmmm.

Then he looked at the dispenser. It was empty. It had been empty the whole time.

(In his defense, he was not wearing his glasses.)

Typo

Yesterday I took a really nice group of RVR volunteers on a horse back ride to thank them for their efforts. It was a GORGEOUS day. At the ride's end, I handed out a flier of upcoming needs for volunteering, which included varying blocks of time helping at October's weekend Maizefest.

An hour later, I got a call on my cell phone from one of the older ladies who'd been on the ride. "Tina," she said sheepishly, "I don't think you should hand out any more of those fliers."

"Really? Why?" I said.

"Well, there's a typo. You've left the letter 'f' out of the word 'shift.'"

Soundtrack of Life

This week our girls are in RVR's Day Camp w/three friends from church and a neighbor, and the four moms are taking turns making the commute. The following is a compilation of lines I heard while driving six kids between the ages of four & six during two hour-long segments. I wish I could remember more, it was so incredibly entertaining. If it seems heavily weighted on my friend's son, Ryan, it's because he was riding shotgun and he is one of those kids who enjoys conversing w/adults.

Imagine these snippets being said while the songs from "Enchanted" are playing, followed by a Disney mix:

Ryan: A lot of girls at school like me. They try to kiss me.

Me: Wow--you're a popular guy.

Ryan: My mom says I should save my kisses for my wife.

Me: Your mom is wise.

Evelyn: MOM!! Caleb is BOTHERING me!!

Ryan: I know my times tables.

Me: Caleb, is that true? (Caleb nods.)

Evelyn: He keeps hitting me with his elbow!

Caleb: She's sucking her thumb.

Ryan: I can divide, too. Three divided by two is one and a half.

Me: Caleb, is she bumping you or making noise while she's sucking her thumb?

Caleb: No. It just bothers me. She shouldn't be sucking her thumb.

Ryan: Are you listening to me?

Me: Just a minute, Ryan. Caleb, Evelyn IS a little old to be sucking her thumb. We'll let her suck her thumb every OTHER song on the CD, ok? Did you hear that, Evelyn? (She nods, scowling.)

Amelia: Can somebody hand me my blanket?

Brian: I don't know how big my head is.

Josh: My head is 10 miles.

Ryan: (singing in a little boy falsetto) Sing a happy working song...I watched this movie once at Hamiltopia when I was sick.

Me: I really like this movie.

Brian: How do you draw a house?

Ryan: I can draw a really GOOD house!

Me: Maybe you should become an architect.

Ryan: What's that?

Me: An architect is someone who designs buildings and houses.

Ryan: Oh. Well, I wouldn't be good at that. I have a hard time drawing steps and doorknobs.

Josh: Obi Wan does NOT have two light sabers.

Caleb: I'm just PRETENDING he has two light sabers.

Ryan: Bikini Bottom Jail.

Josh: It's Ryan's song playing! Ryan's song! ("Kiss the Girl" from Little Mermaid has begun. Ryan is smiling. Josh is Ryan's younger brother.)

Me: What did you just say, Ryan?

Ryan: (Grinning) "Bikini Bottom Jail." It's from Spongebob. (Then, turning around, but still grinning) JOSH! This is NOT my song!!

Caleb: Can you change it?

Me: The song should be called "Kiss the Guy," since the girls at school try to kiss you.

Evelyn: MOM! It's not "Kiss the GUY," it's "Kiss the GIRL!" "Kiss the GIRL," "Kiss the GIRL!!"

Caleb: (Hands over his ears) Can you PLEASE change the song? I don't like it.

Me: Ok. Ryan, can you change the song? Not everyone likes it. (Ryan skips to the next song.)

There was SO much more, but I can't remember it all and I don't want to start fictionalizing. Let's just say that I will MISS this soundtrack today, even though I've been so grateful to the other moms for sharing the driving.

"Baby Brain"

That's what Alan calls what has happened to him in the years since having children. This morning's example: he poured cereal into his coffee mug.

Everybody Wants to be a Cat

For quite a while now, Amelia has most often spoken of herself in third person, and most often requested to be called someone (or something) else. Yesterday she was "Kitty," and insisted on prowling around, meowing loudly and demanding that I open all the doors for her because "Kitty can't open doors." I put my foot down when she wanted to eat her food with her face in her bowl.

"If Kitty wants to eat, Kitty will have to use her paws."

Like any self-respecting cat, she stuck her nose in the air and walked away from her dish.

The Nut House

We've already arrived at stir crazy--not a good sign! Must be the new schedule that doesn't allow for as much outdoor time (really, really miss that!)

This morning, amidst a cacophony of noise and perpetual mess, Alan and I were trying to have a simple conversation about laundry. Our voices were slightly raised over the hubbub, and Alan said, "Just put it in the hamster..."

We lost it. Our brains are officially mush.

We are now going to go get our Christmas tree in a wet, slithery snowfall. Wish us luck.

Come on over!

You never know what you might find, but you are always welcome. It was a weekend of company (Lindsy here Th night before flying to FL, 2 musicians Fri.-Mon.) and events (RVR for me Fri.-Sat., concert for Alan on Sun.), and life was in a bit of a swirl.

Lindsy flew back from FL yesterday and when she got to our house we were all pretty punchy. She'd been traveling all day, our house was a wreck, and we still had a musician house guest, so she & the girls & I walked to the grocery store. "The fresh air, walk, and 'normal' activity will do us some good," I thought.

We weren't in the store long before Amelia disappeared. (By the way, they did NOT go to the grocery store in their underwear. The picture was taken AFTER the trip to the store. Stripping to their undies is normal. Going to the store in them is not.) So Lindsy took the cart & I took Evelyn & we split up to look for her. I found her meandering in an aisle, knelt down and did the low-tone-firm-voice-don't-ever-wander-away-from-Mommy talk, then proceeded to locate Lindsy, which proved to be even harder than finding Amelia. Afterward Lindsy said she'd had this funny visual image in her head of the bird's-eye view of us continually moving and missing one another in the aisles of the store.

At one point, I was walking swiftly down the meat aisle with a kid on each hand and I heard this "'scuse me! 'scuse me!" and had that sudden realization that the speaker was talking to ME. I turned around and this girl (who'd obviously been tailing me longer than she'd have liked) was moving towards me with Amelia's shoes in her hand. "Your daughter's got no shoes on," she said, handing them to me. I looked at Amelia's bare feet, laughed a silly, self-conscious, too-loud laugh, thanked the girl with way too much white-lady enthusiasm, and then wondered how Amelia could have walked right out of her shoes and never said boo about it.

We finally found Lindsy, got through checkout, and were walking home when Evelyn disappeared. She'd popped in to visit with the friendly, accented proprietor of the Near East Bakery, who knows us well. (He'd know us better if he accepted credit cards.) Lindsy, Amelia and I stopped and turned around in time to see Evelyn coming out of the store waving goodbye to the man. He stuck his head out the door, smiling and waving, and suddenly Evelyn stopped in her tracks. She ran back to the Near East Bakery man with her arms outstretched. He stretched his arms out to her, they embraced, and then she kissed him right on the mouth.

Ah, yes, a touch of "normal" in an otherwise pretty busy weekend. At least we got to see Lindsy!!