It has been a long time since I had one of those experiences where I wanted to hit "pause" on a conversation so I could rewind and delete what I'd just said, so I guess I was due. We'd just had a wonderful walk through the woods as a family, marveling at the fall colors and enjoying the time together. On the way home, Alan was inspired to drive past a new restaurant that had opened in our neighborhood, just to check it out. They had an enclosed play area for kids in which there was adult seating at a few tables, so we decided to stay and have an appetizer.
There was another couple there with two toddler girls, and we immediately started talking. I think the first thing that rubbed me the wrong way was that they spoke disparagingly of my very favorite, non-chain, local-produce, walking-distance grocery store and said how grateful they were that THEY lived so close to the Safeway. (I admit that at the time I was tired and had had a fairly hard week at parenting, so I did not practice grace in the following exchange.)
As we were talking, The Mom turns to her 2 1/2 year old and says: "Maizie, remember, Santa Claus is watching you--so make sure you are nice to your sister!" She then turns to me with a sly grin and says: "That's our latest bribe for good behavior--the 'Santa's always watching you' thing."
Me: "Really? So what happens if she's NOT nice to her sister?"
The Mom, laughing: "She doesn't get any Christmas presents!"
Me: "Are you serious? Are you going to be able to follow through with that?" (I know, I know, I just laid that one right out there.)
The Dad, coming to The Mom's rescue: "Following through is always the challenge."
Me, apparently fearful of nothing and caring very little about this couple's feelings: "Yes, that's why you make the consequence something you can actually DO--like, 'if you don't stop that I am going to take away that toy you are playing with right now.'"
Here is where I started coming back to reality, and got a little sick to my stomach. They were still talking, but it stopped registering in my head. My head began spinning from the realizations that: 1.) I'd showed no grace to these people, and 2.) that mature, grown adults actually subscribe to the "if you're not nice to your sister Santa will see and not bring you any presents" method of parenting. Were these smart, middle class people really going to lay the burden of parenting on an imaginary guy in a red suit and expect big changes in their toddler's behavior??
We got distracted from one another with our kids for a little bit, and I DID come back around and apologize for jumping right out there with my opinion, to which they responded as graciously as I wish I'd responded to THEM, but it was a little weird after that. And I couldn't really get over it myself, especially after I told Alan (while we were still eating our appetizer) what I'd done and he immediately said, "What?? You didn't tell them we go to church and invite them, did you??" Fortunately, I had NOT, lest the Gospel be tarnished by my holier-than-thou parenting advice. (Which, I still think, was GOOD advice. Unsolicited and with very poor timing, but GOOD.) Looks like a study in Proverbs is merited....
"A fool's mouth is his undoing, and his lips are a snare to his soul." (Prov. 18:7)
"He who guards his mouth and his tongue keeps himself from calamity." (Prov. 21:23)
"The heart of the righteous weighs its answers..." (Prov. 15:28)
"The mouth of the righteous is a fountain of life." (Prov.10:11)
10 comments:
lol...happens to all of us now and then. better luck next time:)
You're not alone Tina! Sadly, we've all been in that position before...
Praise the Lord that His grace and forgiveness are far greater than anything the world can give - in fact, they're perfect!
Hey, girl, at least you apologized. That takes a lot of guts... and humility. I think the fact you apologized says more about you than what you said to her in the first place.
sbharding said....
Tina,
Sorry but I DON'T agree with posts. You have taken this stuff "way too heart". There is nothing wrong with what you said. You spoke your mind and your heart.
I don't believe that the couple took what you said as derogatory...if anything, just made them think in a different way.
Well, I stand by the thought that my advice was GOOD--my timing and attitude prompted my apology. My goal is to be the hands & feet & mouth of Jesus, and for the "teaching of kindness" to be on my tongue. Showing love to that couple was much more important that pointing out their parenting flaws. Advice that follows love is often much more well-received!
I'm not really sure why you posted this story???
I agree with "it's a wonderful life". Sometimes things just "are what they are" and there is no reasoning against it. It is hard, but true.
Anyway, on another note....have to get back to this link:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pyx2n_p9OZ8. I still cannot believe how young she looks (LOL).
I understand why you posted the story. That's what blogs are for...sharing your thoughts, or whatever else YOU WANT:)
I have to admit I've done the same..esp. at work. It's hard to have the balance of showing love and grace and being honest. Sometimes I just pray that my kids will actually be a good example and maybe one day someone will ask me "What do YOU do for discipline and then I can just tell them all my thoughts". Funny thing is, I rarely have anyone asking me such a question! :) God is keeping me humble.
I think your inclusion of this entry just goes to show how soft your heart is. That is one of the reasons I admire you.
And BTW, we love the salt and pepper shakers! They are proudly displayed on the counter and we have used them each day! Thanks! It's so much fun to receive packages! Love, Mindy
I spend so much of my time thinking (agonizing??) about parenting--talking about it feels very natural. I am always grateful for encouragement and edification!
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